25 February 2011

My 1st ever prom nite!

haha..for the 1st time ever,I went to a prom night held by my friend.. well, of coz, there are some mistakes here and there,however, i still enjoyed it~ so lets take a look for some of the moments

09 January 2011

trouble treble the pain

2010 already reached the end point.And now 2011,nothing much I could say, but I hope the best in my life in this year..However, I started 2011 with some bad 'occasions'..
I celebrated my new year's eve with my favorite and closest friend, Ejal,but still we start it a little misunderstanding.. haha..

then, on 3rd January, I became the victim of hit-&-run tragedy.. A car (Toyota Estima) driven by a Malay woman came out of nowhere at Bulatan Stadium sec 13 Shah Alam.. and I totally disappointed with that accident.. why? because of her action,of course.. whatever it is, no matter who's guilty, but, at the very least, please stop and show some mercy.. luckily there was no car behind my bike, otherwise, maybe that could be my tragic nightmare in my life,EVER! However, thanks to Ejal for his help..(ironic isn't it, like a superhero come fpr the rescue)

Then,at the clinic,I had to wait almost for an hour to have my treatment..come on, I'm bleeding at that time, why should I wait? when I asked Ejal to ask them when was my turn, they told us, if u r bleeding, u should just go to room 13 to have ur wound treated.. but somehow, I already ask at the receptionist, should I wait for my treatment, coz I'm bleeding now.. but she said, "ya,give ur ic,and wait ur turn as 'pesakit luar'." so,what do you think?

However, somehow, that accident taught me to be more patient, and I'm glad to have family like mine. They came immediately from Rembau to Shah Alam.. and I felt like a family reunion,coz we rarely to have all of the family members at one time.

but the story not stop at there.. when I came out from my medical leave and went to my class, my 'so-called Indian classmates' blamed my for the late give of the assignment questions.. come on,I got the question on thursday, and friday was a public holiday.. then I involved in that accident on Monday,Tuesday was my medical leave and Wednesday I strengthen my might to the class, even my leg was badly injured! please do understand u stupid morons! they told me that I'm not resourceful at all.. ya,how could I to become resourceful at that time.. PLEASE NOTICE that there many works I put on-hold because of that accident.. so bangang! not enough with that, they accused me that I that I do that in purposed , and I'm 'mengada2' (sorry, i could not note translate it now,I'm so disturbed now). Then I had to repair my bike, and again, it cost a lot.there some problems here and there, and there some dramas in that too, but I won't tell it.. and yeah, because of that accident, I become not like I used to. again,why? in this state, I DO need supports,not being blamed here and there.. I DO need some attention, not being astray,abandoned and to be leave alone.. please DO UNDERSTAND me, and not being scolded, being insulted! Ya,I'm sensitive, and I'm more sensitive in this state!
however,I will not down! I hope to get better soon, I'll put everything on the line, to shine and to overcome the odds!

27 November 2010

conflict with ourselves

Tonight I'm so distracted and disturbed.And I'm the one who caused these mess. Ya,I have a self-conflict right now..most of my frens know that I'm a soft-hearted person.. I'm the one who u will rarely hear the word 'No'.. I'm the one who care too much about others' problems compared to mine.. the problems are:

1) people keep using me
2) I'm the one who will suffer later
3) I'm too sensitive
4) I'm the one who conceal my own feelings
(many more,but I don't want to tell everything)

ya,I can't deny that..sometimes, I want to be like this

1) to be respected and scared of
2) appreciation from all
3) people to obey me
4) people can't even hurt me externally and internally
(ya,there are more..but let it be)

people keep telling me to stop from to be too kind..they say, I should not let people from using myself, I should not be too sensitive and all that.. but let me tell u this, I'm myself..and let me be my own Eizzat.. No one can change that.. ya, i know that my kindness is my weakness..but I should control it more..I hate people who is engulf with anger, being so 'lepas cakap', feeling that he/she is the perfect one, and always in bad mood...

Sometimes,Our weakness could be our strength, and our strength could be our weakness too..

ok now, also, I'm haunted by my past..also being haunted by my present too.. enough to say, sometimes I can't accept the 'Eizzat' I have become now.. compared to the 'old Eizzat', I'm totally different.. I'm worried if this new Eizzat can't be like the old Eizzat anymore.. both Eizzat have different memories,enough with sweet and sour of it.. and I still confuse, which Eizzat will remain in the next 10 years..erghh.. I need someone now..=(

16 November 2010


When I woke up this morning, I felt thankful and guilty..
Thankful because I still have the opportunity to breath and see this world once more.. Guilty because I didn’t do anything to repay for what He has given me all this time.. To be honest, I really feel that I’m nothing, but a stranger who stranded in the world that He created..I’m much more smaller from a dust if I compare myself with His power and knowledge.. Allahu Akbar..It’s been a long time that I forgotten my creator.. Without him, I’m nobody.. All I have now is His gifts.. Everything in this world happens with His will.. Kun Fa Ya Kun..
Me? I don’t know..As time goes by, I become more reckless and distracted with this world..Ya, earth that full of sins and deeds.. Sometimes, I’ll feel sad for what I’ve done.. For all my sins, all my fault.. I ask myself, when I’m happy, did I remember Him? When I was sad, I’ll find Him.. is this what should I do? Definitely NO!! I gone too far, and I don’t know how to undo that.. Repent? Ya, but it’s not easy.. My iman is not strength enough to do that..I always fall to nafsu and devil’s seduction.. what a muslim suppose to do? I know the answer, but, did I live in this world according to the answer.. 5 rukun Islam, 6 rukun iman, al-sunnah, al-hadis and Al-quran..this should be my policy,my rule, and my guidelines in my life,the guidelines that I should obey..
And know what, most of those things that I mentioned, not much I’ve done..my prayer, my act, my way are totally miserable..Ya Allah,forgive me.. you never abandon me, but I? Because of You, I still able to breath, still able feel love from my parents, still able to have everything that I have..
I’m totally different if I compare my past and my present..I don’t know where is the old Eizzat.. ya, the one who grown up with enough knowledge and awareness..the one who on the right track of the guidelines.. Me now? I have the knowledge, I still have the sense of awareness.. but I’m totally lost, far from the track of my guidelines..
When I writing this, I can’t control my tears…
Dear readers, life is about choices. When we were born, we are clean and everyone is start from zero.. Nobody was born as a sinner, as a killer, as a rapist, as a gay, as a cheater, as a dictator and other bad characters(some people think they are bad,before they know the real story).. and nobody was born as a imam, as a good people, as a fair leader, as a honest person and other good character(sometimes they look good outside,but sometime not inside).. It’s a about choices.. We are the one to chose, what we will be..We are the pilots of our own lifes..we are khalifah in this world.. the world will affect our choices, but that should not be the reason for us to follow the world..Even the world is against us, u should know that He is the one who we should obey,and He has given the guidelines.. Follow the guidelines, and we will be safe here and after.. so readers, choose wisely, what way will u follow..and remember, even we are lost too far,He still with us, and repent will have its door wide open for them who realized their mistakes, the prove that Allah love His followers, no matter who we are, because we are all the same from His sight, we are just like other human being.. designation, wealth, and popularity are meaningless..
I’m not perfect,that’s why I’m writing, for me to remind myself and others too..
(* ignore all my spelling or my grammar mistakes, I writing this honestly)

11 November 2010

Swing swing

Here I go again,writing this blog after a month..haha
Ok,not much too say,but I just want to share my experience..

1. Rental House
FYI, currently I've been moved to a new house.. Not because I want to,but I have to. Just to remind you guys, if u are a student (especially to IPTS students), if u decide to use House Agency,please be careful and make a real good choice.. I really really disappointed with my agency right now ( Simple Approach Sdn.Bhd).. they really don't care about the students' virtue.. All they care is about money,money,money.. and I really hate that..My old house looks like a barn, with horrible toilet and destructed kitchen.. then,there was an issue where the owner of my old house decided to sell the house and the owner just planned to do it,not immediately sell the house..come on, if anyone want to sell a house, they will have to go many processes.. and I don't mind if the owner want to sell that house,but I HATE the way of that stupid agency treat the students and the owner.. that house was handed to that agency, to take a good care of it,but the house seems like a hell since it was handed..Just imagine,the agency didn't responsible for what have happened to that house,and they ORDERED the owner to repair it..URGH!! then,I was informed to move to a new house,and they ask me to move before or on 30th October.. the problem? I was in the exam week,how could I move..then,on 25th Oct, I WAS FORCED to move..what the fuck is that!! if u say before 30th, that's mean,at the very least, I have to move on 29th or 30th Oct.And I've planned to move on 29th,because I don't have any transport to move out my things! urghh!! then last 3 days, they scold me because I lock the door of my room,what's wrong is that? I have valuable things in there..

2.A friend of mine
well, I do know a friend, a guy, who really understand me..and he is totally different from others..Ok,his name is Sharizal,but I just call him Ejal,'cause he used to be called like that..I really grateful to have friend like him, who I know incidentally. Enough to be said that,I spent many of my time with him,and please don't take me wrongly.. I'm not as what u think! haha.. He's just too special, he understand me and know me more from other,even we're friend since a brief period.. When I'm happy,he's there..When I sad,he'll be there too.. seems like he's a diamond of diamonds for me..but when there is someone close to us,I can guarantee that we can't afford to lose them..so do I..oh, this a picture of us

Just want to say that,last sem I did very very bad..the worst sem ever~!! I can't even study..why? because the lecturers and pressure surround me in college

erm,I don't want to tell it,because it's my privacy..but a family,is a family~!

oh, my batt running low,I'll continue later~!!
till we 'meet' again~!!

12 October 2010

change a bit..BM turn

haha..ok now for this post,I would like to write in Bahasa Melayu.. hehe..
just to let go everything in my mind~

untuk pertama kali,ejat menulis dalam bahasa ibunda ejat sendiri.. skang ni,ejat hanya hendak menulis,apa saja yang ejat nak tulis.. secara jujurnya,sejak kebelakangan ni, ejat mmg slalu tewas kepada sakit yg menyakitkan.. dan bagi mereka yang rapat ngan ejat,mereka slalu risaukan ejat..maaf,takde niat nak sakitkan ati awk2 semua..da sakit,nak wat camne..dan seiring jugak dengan kedatangan sakit2 ni semua, ejat selalu didatangi mimpi2 buruk dan mengarut..melibatkan diri ejat dan mereka2 yang ejat sayang lorh..mcm sesuatu kan? kdg2 prasaan sebegini membuatkn ejat terasa masa utk ejat da singkat..entahlah,perasaan je kot..

dan ejat jugak mengalami krisis diri yang semakin menebal dan kronik..bagi sape yang mengenali ejat,dorg akan fhm la..ejat mmg jenis suke memendam,mendiamkan diri, bersabar dan selalu mengalah..tp kdg2 bile ejat wat macamtu,ramaikan yang ambil kesempatan..bukan la ejat merungut,tapi ye la,kdg2 ejat rasa tension ya amat pulak..

bila ada benda yang melibatkan hati perasaan,ejat mmg tak dapat nak tenangkan diri.. in fact,ya,I'm sensitive..so,please, mind ur manner when with me.. kalo nak cakap hal cinta dan kasih sayang pulak,erm.. compilcated sgt.. with my ex,my current luv n me,myself.. i wish i could share this but no one suit..so let it be..haha!

performance study ejat sem ni,sgt2 teruk! ejat ta dpt nk ckp camne,but I'm sure this sem is my falling era~! urgh,ape la masalah aku ni...=.=

kwn,herm, ya,ejat ta tahan dgn prangai kwn2 yang pentingkan diri.. frankly speaking, ejat BENCI org yang rasa diri dia betol, tanak dengar nasihat org lain,ego, feeling2 'diva',takda sensitivity dan cakap besar! kalo stakat skit2 ejat leh trima,tp kalo da byk sgt,rase sgt2 annoying,becoz later on,ejat yg tension~!! dan lagi satu, ejat bukan jenis yg ckp lepas, dan ejat kalo rase perlu,ejat akan akan ckp elok2..but y? sometimes org ta wat bnde yang same kat ejat..haha,ntahla~

so ejat plak nanti akan berpindah rumah,oh shit! benci sgt! tak sukee!! ejat da slese kat sini(slesa kah?)..last2 kne pindah..mmg la nak pndah ,tp tolong la bagi mase sikit wahai AGENT RUMAH BANGANG!sial tol..

dear lecturers, tolong laa! jgn mengajar sebab nak duit ok! ajar tu elok2 sket..dan tolong la,jangan pilih kasih! ni university,bukan sekolah lagi,plajar2 kesayangan? bullshit! kat university ni, mmg tak boleh nak pilih kasih, dan sdarlah,ramai yang memerhati..bile ditegur,melenting plak kan? sdangkan plajar kesayanganmu itu terang2 la syaitan ya amat! dan kamu dengan mulut kamu yg sial tu lecturer,boleh pegi mati..phm? benci doe! arap ko berambus cpat2,,ko dpan aku,bile mintak tolong,amboih, SOPAN ye..tapi blakang? cam lahanat! ko ngan student sayang ko bole pegi mati..

ade lagi nak tulis,tapi memandangkan mase kat cc ni da nak abes,ejat hentikan..hehe..
till next time!

05 October 2010

the only beginning

I understand that I'm a different person now..well,people do change. What I can say now,I'm a bit stressful right now.. for some people,I'm a soft-kind-hearted person,however not everyone know that I'm a person with high remembrance and I can be an appreciative person, or a vengeful person..
for a situation right now, all the things happened around me lately were caused by me..I can't stop blaming my self..ya,I'm annoying,I admit it.. Right now,I'm the new ejat,it's just a slight different from the old one.. the only different is my appearance,my attitude..but inside,I'm still the same..
People around me keep using me,n I know that too..People be nice with for some reasons.. It's something for something..
When I was young,I learn that I have to respect everyone,in order to be respected.. My parents taught me to be nice,humble,talk nicely and so whatever thinggy.. ya,till now,I do the same,but no one gonna do the same way I does..
To be honest, I hate that..I need a sincere frenship,relationship and partnership..
I dunno how long I'm going to be like this,but I can see I'm dying because of this..
several people will come and accuse me for something that I didn't do.. I'm trying to take care and comfort everyone,but no one understand.. Now with the mysterious illness with me,I can't deny I'm stressful..the only person that I have is only ejal.. ok,ejal is special to me..He always there when I need someone.. For now,he's the only one I trust and believed.. I see his sincerity.. Now,the other problem is about ejal too.. I know,I'm just a burden to him,but still,he's there for me.. and I know,not all with us, there some against us.. that's y I told him, I didn't give any profit or advantage to be fren with, but he deny it..He told me,stop blaming myself, stop thinking bout all dat stuff.. and the way he treat me,to be honest, NO ONE ever treat me like that before.. and I can't stop my tears when I can do nothing to help him when he's in trouble..ejal, thanx for becoming the colour of my life.. u r now one of them who I will never forget till the end of time.. =)