the only beginning

I understand that I'm a different person now..well,people do change. What I can say now,I'm a bit stressful right now.. for some people,I'm a soft-kind-hearted person,however not everyone know that I'm a person with high remembrance and I can be an appreciative person, or a vengeful person..
for a situation right now, all the things happened around me lately were caused by me..I can't stop blaming my self..ya,I'm annoying,I admit it.. Right now,I'm the new ejat,it's just a slight different from the old one.. the only different is my appearance,my attitude..but inside,I'm still the same..
People around me keep using me,n I know that too..People be nice with for some reasons.. It's something for something..
When I was young,I learn that I have to respect everyone,in order to be respected.. My parents taught me to be nice,humble,talk nicely and so whatever thinggy.. ya,till now,I do the same,but no one gonna do the same way I does..
To be honest, I hate that..I need a sincere frenship,relationship and partnership..
I dunno how long I'm going to be like this,but I can see I'm dying because of this..
several people will come and accuse me for something that I didn't do.. I'm trying to take care and comfort everyone,but no one understand.. Now with the mysterious illness with me,I can't deny I'm stressful..the only person that I have is only ejal.. ok,ejal is special to me..He always there when I need someone.. For now,he's the only one I trust and believed.. I see his sincerity.. Now,the other problem is about ejal too.. I know,I'm just a burden to him,but still,he's there for me.. and I know,not all with us, there some against us.. that's y I told him, I didn't give any profit or advantage to be fren with, but he deny it..He told me,stop blaming myself, stop thinking bout all dat stuff.. and the way he treat me,to be honest, NO ONE ever treat me like that before.. and I can't stop my tears when I can do nothing to help him when he's in trouble..ejal, thanx for becoming the colour of my life.. u r now one of them who I will never forget till the end of time.. =)