Tonight I'm so distracted and disturbed.And I'm the one who caused these mess. Ya,I have a self-conflict right now..most of my frens know that I'm a soft-hearted person.. I'm the one who u will rarely hear the word 'No'.. I'm the one who care too much about others' problems compared to mine.. the problems are:
1) people keep using me
2) I'm the one who will suffer later
3) I'm too sensitive
4) I'm the one who conceal my own feelings
(many more,but I don't want to tell everything)
ya,I can't deny that..sometimes, I want to be like this
1) to be respected and scared of
2) appreciation from all
3) people to obey me
4) people can't even hurt me externally and internally
(ya,there are more..but let it be)
people keep telling me to stop from to be too kind..they say, I should not let people from using myself, I should not be too sensitive and all that.. but let me tell u this, I'm myself..and let me be my own Eizzat.. No one can change that.. ya, i know that my kindness is my weakness..but I should control it more..I hate people who is engulf with anger, being so 'lepas cakap', feeling that he/she is the perfect one, and always in bad mood...
Sometimes,Our weakness could be our strength, and our strength could be our weakness too..
ok now, also, I'm haunted by my past..also being haunted by my present too.. enough to say, sometimes I can't accept the 'Eizzat' I have become now.. compared to the 'old Eizzat', I'm totally different.. I'm worried if this new Eizzat can't be like the old Eizzat anymore.. both Eizzat have different memories,enough with sweet and sour of it.. and I still confuse, which Eizzat will remain in the next 10 years..erghh.. I need someone now..=(
27 November 2010
16 November 2010
hermm
When I woke up this morning, I felt thankful and guilty..
Thankful because I still have the opportunity to breath and see this world once more.. Guilty because I didn’t do anything to repay for what He has given me all this time.. To be honest, I really feel that I’m nothing, but a stranger who stranded in the world that He created..I’m much more smaller from a dust if I compare myself with His power and knowledge.. Allahu Akbar..It’s been a long time that I forgotten my creator.. Without him, I’m nobody.. All I have now is His gifts.. Everything in this world happens with His will.. Kun Fa Ya Kun..
Me? I don’t know..As time goes by, I become more reckless and distracted with this world..Ya, earth that full of sins and deeds.. Sometimes, I’ll feel sad for what I’ve done.. For all my sins, all my fault.. I ask myself, when I’m happy, did I remember Him? When I was sad, I’ll find Him.. is this what should I do? Definitely NO!! I gone too far, and I don’t know how to undo that.. Repent? Ya, but it’s not easy.. My iman is not strength enough to do that..I always fall to nafsu and devil’s seduction.. what a muslim suppose to do? I know the answer, but, did I live in this world according to the answer.. 5 rukun Islam, 6 rukun iman, al-sunnah, al-hadis and Al-quran..this should be my policy,my rule, and my guidelines in my life,the guidelines that I should obey..
And know what, most of those things that I mentioned, not much I’ve done..my prayer, my act, my way are totally miserable..Ya Allah,forgive me.. you never abandon me, but I? Because of You, I still able to breath, still able feel love from my parents, still able to have everything that I have..
I’m totally different if I compare my past and my present..I don’t know where is the old Eizzat.. ya, the one who grown up with enough knowledge and awareness..the one who on the right track of the guidelines.. Me now? I have the knowledge, I still have the sense of awareness.. but I’m totally lost, far from the track of my guidelines..
When I writing this, I can’t control my tears…
Dear readers, life is about choices. When we were born, we are clean and everyone is start from zero.. Nobody was born as a sinner, as a killer, as a rapist, as a gay, as a cheater, as a dictator and other bad characters(some people think they are bad,before they know the real story).. and nobody was born as a imam, as a good people, as a fair leader, as a honest person and other good character(sometimes they look good outside,but sometime not inside).. It’s a about choices.. We are the one to chose, what we will be..We are the pilots of our own lifes..we are khalifah in this world.. the world will affect our choices, but that should not be the reason for us to follow the world..Even the world is against us, u should know that He is the one who we should obey,and He has given the guidelines.. Follow the guidelines, and we will be safe here and after.. so readers, choose wisely, what way will u follow..and remember, even we are lost too far,He still with us, and repent will have its door wide open for them who realized their mistakes, the prove that Allah love His followers, no matter who we are, because we are all the same from His sight, we are just like other human being.. designation, wealth, and popularity are meaningless..
I’m not perfect,that’s why I’m writing, for me to remind myself and others too..
(* ignore all my spelling or my grammar mistakes, I writing this honestly)
Thankful because I still have the opportunity to breath and see this world once more.. Guilty because I didn’t do anything to repay for what He has given me all this time.. To be honest, I really feel that I’m nothing, but a stranger who stranded in the world that He created..I’m much more smaller from a dust if I compare myself with His power and knowledge.. Allahu Akbar..It’s been a long time that I forgotten my creator.. Without him, I’m nobody.. All I have now is His gifts.. Everything in this world happens with His will.. Kun Fa Ya Kun..
Me? I don’t know..As time goes by, I become more reckless and distracted with this world..Ya, earth that full of sins and deeds.. Sometimes, I’ll feel sad for what I’ve done.. For all my sins, all my fault.. I ask myself, when I’m happy, did I remember Him? When I was sad, I’ll find Him.. is this what should I do? Definitely NO!! I gone too far, and I don’t know how to undo that.. Repent? Ya, but it’s not easy.. My iman is not strength enough to do that..I always fall to nafsu and devil’s seduction.. what a muslim suppose to do? I know the answer, but, did I live in this world according to the answer.. 5 rukun Islam, 6 rukun iman, al-sunnah, al-hadis and Al-quran..this should be my policy,my rule, and my guidelines in my life,the guidelines that I should obey..
And know what, most of those things that I mentioned, not much I’ve done..my prayer, my act, my way are totally miserable..Ya Allah,forgive me.. you never abandon me, but I? Because of You, I still able to breath, still able feel love from my parents, still able to have everything that I have..
I’m totally different if I compare my past and my present..I don’t know where is the old Eizzat.. ya, the one who grown up with enough knowledge and awareness..the one who on the right track of the guidelines.. Me now? I have the knowledge, I still have the sense of awareness.. but I’m totally lost, far from the track of my guidelines..
When I writing this, I can’t control my tears…
Dear readers, life is about choices. When we were born, we are clean and everyone is start from zero.. Nobody was born as a sinner, as a killer, as a rapist, as a gay, as a cheater, as a dictator and other bad characters(some people think they are bad,before they know the real story).. and nobody was born as a imam, as a good people, as a fair leader, as a honest person and other good character(sometimes they look good outside,but sometime not inside).. It’s a about choices.. We are the one to chose, what we will be..We are the pilots of our own lifes..we are khalifah in this world.. the world will affect our choices, but that should not be the reason for us to follow the world..Even the world is against us, u should know that He is the one who we should obey,and He has given the guidelines.. Follow the guidelines, and we will be safe here and after.. so readers, choose wisely, what way will u follow..and remember, even we are lost too far,He still with us, and repent will have its door wide open for them who realized their mistakes, the prove that Allah love His followers, no matter who we are, because we are all the same from His sight, we are just like other human being.. designation, wealth, and popularity are meaningless..
I’m not perfect,that’s why I’m writing, for me to remind myself and others too..
(* ignore all my spelling or my grammar mistakes, I writing this honestly)
11 November 2010
Swing swing
Here I go again,writing this blog after a month..haha
Ok,not much too say,but I just want to share my experience..
1. Rental House
FYI, currently I've been moved to a new house.. Not because I want to,but I have to. Just to remind you guys, if u are a student (especially to IPTS students), if u decide to use House Agency,please be careful and make a real good choice.. I really really disappointed with my agency right now ( Simple Approach Sdn.Bhd).. they really don't care about the students' virtue.. All they care is about money,money,money.. and I really hate that..My old house looks like a barn, with horrible toilet and destructed kitchen.. then,there was an issue where the owner of my old house decided to sell the house and the owner just planned to do it,not immediately sell the house..come on, if anyone want to sell a house, they will have to go many processes.. and I don't mind if the owner want to sell that house,but I HATE the way of that stupid agency treat the students and the owner.. that house was handed to that agency, to take a good care of it,but the house seems like a hell since it was handed..Just imagine,the agency didn't responsible for what have happened to that house,and they ORDERED the owner to repair it..URGH!! then,I was informed to move to a new house,and they ask me to move before or on 30th October.. the problem? I was in the exam week,how could I move..then,on 25th Oct, I WAS FORCED to move..what the fuck is that!! if u say before 30th, that's mean,at the very least, I have to move on 29th or 30th Oct.And I've planned to move on 29th,because I don't have any transport to move out my things! urghh!! then last 3 days, they scold me because I lock the door of my room,what's wrong is that? I have valuable things in there..
2.A friend of mine
well, I do know a friend, a guy, who really understand me..and he is totally different from others..Ok,his name is Sharizal,but I just call him Ejal,'cause he used to be called like that..I really grateful to have friend like him, who I know incidentally. Enough to be said that,I spent many of my time with him,and please don't take me wrongly.. I'm not as what u think! haha.. He's just too special, he understand me and know me more from other,even we're friend since a brief period.. When I'm happy,he's there..When I sad,he'll be there too.. seems like he's a diamond of diamonds for me..but when there is someone close to us,I can guarantee that we can't afford to lose them..so do I..oh, this a picture of us
3.Study
Just want to say that,last sem I did very very bad..the worst sem ever~!! I can't even study..why? because the lecturers and pressure surround me in college
4.Family
erm,I don't want to tell it,because it's my privacy..but a family,is a family~!
oh, my batt running low,I'll continue later~!!
till we 'meet' again~!!
Ok,not much too say,but I just want to share my experience..
1. Rental House
FYI, currently I've been moved to a new house.. Not because I want to,but I have to. Just to remind you guys, if u are a student (especially to IPTS students), if u decide to use House Agency,please be careful and make a real good choice.. I really really disappointed with my agency right now ( Simple Approach Sdn.Bhd).. they really don't care about the students' virtue.. All they care is about money,money,money.. and I really hate that..My old house looks like a barn, with horrible toilet and destructed kitchen.. then,there was an issue where the owner of my old house decided to sell the house and the owner just planned to do it,not immediately sell the house..come on, if anyone want to sell a house, they will have to go many processes.. and I don't mind if the owner want to sell that house,but I HATE the way of that stupid agency treat the students and the owner.. that house was handed to that agency, to take a good care of it,but the house seems like a hell since it was handed..Just imagine,the agency didn't responsible for what have happened to that house,and they ORDERED the owner to repair it..URGH!! then,I was informed to move to a new house,and they ask me to move before or on 30th October.. the problem? I was in the exam week,how could I move..then,on 25th Oct, I WAS FORCED to move..what the fuck is that!! if u say before 30th, that's mean,at the very least, I have to move on 29th or 30th Oct.And I've planned to move on 29th,because I don't have any transport to move out my things! urghh!! then last 3 days, they scold me because I lock the door of my room,what's wrong is that? I have valuable things in there..
2.A friend of mine
well, I do know a friend, a guy, who really understand me..and he is totally different from others..Ok,his name is Sharizal,but I just call him Ejal,'cause he used to be called like that..I really grateful to have friend like him, who I know incidentally. Enough to be said that,I spent many of my time with him,and please don't take me wrongly.. I'm not as what u think! haha.. He's just too special, he understand me and know me more from other,even we're friend since a brief period.. When I'm happy,he's there..When I sad,he'll be there too.. seems like he's a diamond of diamonds for me..but when there is someone close to us,I can guarantee that we can't afford to lose them..so do I..oh, this a picture of us
3.Study
Just want to say that,last sem I did very very bad..the worst sem ever~!! I can't even study..why? because the lecturers and pressure surround me in college
4.Family
erm,I don't want to tell it,because it's my privacy..but a family,is a family~!
oh, my batt running low,I'll continue later~!!
till we 'meet' again~!!
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