conflict with ourselves

Tonight I'm so distracted and disturbed.And I'm the one who caused these mess. Ya,I have a self-conflict right now..most of my frens know that I'm a soft-hearted person.. I'm the one who u will rarely hear the word 'No'.. I'm the one who care too much about others' problems compared to mine.. the problems are:

1) people keep using me
2) I'm the one who will suffer later
3) I'm too sensitive
4) I'm the one who conceal my own feelings
(many more,but I don't want to tell everything)

ya,I can't deny that..sometimes, I want to be like this

1) to be respected and scared of
2) appreciation from all
3) people to obey me
4) people can't even hurt me externally and internally
(ya,there are more..but let it be)

people keep telling me to stop from to be too kind..they say, I should not let people from using myself, I should not be too sensitive and all that.. but let me tell u this, I'm myself..and let me be my own Eizzat.. No one can change that.. ya, i know that my kindness is my weakness..but I should control it more..I hate people who is engulf with anger, being so 'lepas cakap', feeling that he/she is the perfect one, and always in bad mood...

Sometimes,Our weakness could be our strength, and our strength could be our weakness too..

ok now, also, I'm haunted by my past..also being haunted by my present too.. enough to say, sometimes I can't accept the 'Eizzat' I have become now.. compared to the 'old Eizzat', I'm totally different.. I'm worried if this new Eizzat can't be like the old Eizzat anymore.. both Eizzat have different memories,enough with sweet and sour of it.. and I still confuse, which Eizzat will remain in the next 10 years..erghh.. I need someone now..=(